Bryan's Run

For the past couple of months, I have had the rare and very personal experience of living with a family in the midst of a nightmare they never asked for. In 2005, my uncle Bryan was diagnosed with a brain tumor after M.R.I. showed signs of a high lighted spot on the left side of his brain. This all started with a seizure at his work. Over the past couple years until now Bryan has been fighting a very courageous battle with his illness. Now, over two years later he is slowly loosing his battle. This very intimate look into Bryans’s life over these past few months has not been without its ups and downs. He is a different person from what I remember him as when I was a child. I always thought of him as the “cool” uncle who always had time to play with his nieces and nephews; always in good spirits and always willing to play with us. I had not seen him for some time when I got the chance to meet up with him again later on in 2007. Frail and slow is how I first saw him again that was the hardest part; the realization of this person being sick really set in. I sit here now, after two months of living with this family and wonder, “how are they doing this? How are they keeping this together as a family?” I now know its Brenda, Bryan’s wife, his best friend, the mother of his children and “the boss” of the house. It’s her strength that keeps this family together. It’s her strength that has gotten her this far with Bryan and it will be her strength that will keep her going. This woman, I don’t know how she does it with all the things she has going on in her life right now. Her husband alone is a massive undertaking. He needs constant care and because of his failing health is only becoming more and more engrossing. The lack of money coming in and medical bills are a constant stream of paper that I see sprawled out on the kitchen counter. It’s amazing how she keeps track of it all. Then, there is Autumn 18 and Sarah 13 my cousins. Its difficult seeing them have to go through all this with their father and harder for me to watch as Autumn’s graduation lurks closer everyday and knowing her father might not be there for it. Bryan and I have caught up the best we cant by talking or taking drives (he loves to go fast). He still has his wit; he’s not as fast as he used to be but it’s definitely there. The one thing about Bryan that I have noticed is that despi9te his illness and his ability to operate a vehicle is gone….he still yearns for his only love……motorcycles. Bryan loves motorcycles, he has been riding them since he was a boy, and I see him on the computer from time to time looking at bikes and getting excited when he sees a good deal, “Oh! Look at this one Bren!” He will sometimes say or he will buy a swap or sell it guide and look for bike listings in the area. His resolve for this love of motorcycles is unwavering and its good to see him sit there and think to himself “you know when I get better I’m going to get myself another bike”. It gives him hope, and a reason to keep going. But as time passes the inevitable approaches: Bryan is dying. His time here is very limited and chances to be with this wonderful man are growing smaller. Its unfair, to have this man slowly fading away in front of this family as they desperately try to cling on to him. Its not something I can say I was ready for, this unexpected turn of events found me living here with this wonderful family and a looming sense of finality that I have never felt before lurks in the house. We all have lost love ones, father, mothers, sisters, brothers, it’s a very tragic turn of events when you do lose someone you love and know all your life. I only hope that Bryans’s life has been everything he wanted it to be and nothing less. He has made me think about my own life and how there are things you can never get back. My love goes out to you Bryan, Brenda, Autumn and Sarah…..May your strength and love carry you though this storm and into calmer waters. I love you all.